Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I fell in love. I am still in love. Thousand miles apart.
Before falling asleep, I see those big dark brown eyes in front of me.
Waking up, I see those small scars on that perfect dry skin.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I can see her so clearly. Sitting on the dusty ground.
Sand on her dress. Stones in her hand.
Playing with nothing than dirt. Alone.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I fell in love with so many smiles. So many happy faces.
But she was different. She is so special.
She never needed anyone. She was fine with her stones and her sand.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

2 different languages. 2 different stories. 2 different colors. 2 different ages.
And still she taught me everything and even more.
She was so independent. Didn’t need anyone and was still so:
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

She shared her stones with me. Her little hand in mine. Holding those stones together.
Her hugs. Her smiles.
The sparkles in her eyes. The brown of her eyes was brighter than the white of the clouds.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

She never asked for anything. Didn’t need a hug.
She was surrounded by so many people.
Still. She was alone.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I fell in love. Not just with her smile. But with her soul.
I experienced deep love. Love I never felt in that way before.
She gave me so much more than she will be ever be able to realize.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I wish I could hold her. Forever.
Never let her go again. Be there for her.
Sit with her in the dirt the whole day.
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

I wish I could give back all the love. The love she set free in me.
I wish I could tell her how special she is.
I wish I could be her home. Her friend. Her mum.
I wish we could find new stones together.
I wish I would be there with her right now. And forever.

But instead. I am here. Far apart from her.
Sitting on my bed in front of my computer.
Having so much more. And still I am so poor.
Guilty. Ashamed. Why?

This life is not fair. It never was. Will never be.
She deserves so much more.
She deserves more than half an orange. The oranges that make her so happy.
She achieved more than most of us ever will be able to achieve.
She changed somebody, set love free. Showed me what it means to live.
What it means to have nothing and be happy.

How blessed I am that I got to spend 2 month with this little angel.
Just 4 years old. Those 4 years everyone of us should experience.
Then, then we would be able to live in peace. Then we could actually live:
Innocent. Full of joy. Happy.

agi

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